Monday, September 14, 2009

If Congress and President Obama ran a footrace or were race directors..What would happen?

What would we have if our current Government in power were runners? Or were race directors?

1 If Nancy Pelosi ran a footrace, say of 10 miles, she would call everyone who finished in front of her a Nazi.

2 If Charlie Rangel ran a footrace of 10 miles, he would "jump" into the race in the last 100 yards hoping no one would notice that he does not appear "taxed".

3 If MSNBC, CBS, CNN published race results, they would publish the last 10 runners finishing as the first 10 and call everyone in front of them "cheaters".

4 If the NY Times published race results, they would realign results to depict those who trained, adding time to their finishes based on amount of training, and subtracting time from those who did not train, to even the playing field.

5 If Barney Frank and Harry Reid had oversight of the race, they would permit widespread cheating, taking cars, cycles, getting a lift, cutting the course, and claim that those who did not cheat did not understand the purpose of the race.

6 If Barbara Boxer was race director and a runner asked, Ma'am, can you help me with my number, she would yell, "I have spent years working to be addressed as "Madam Race Director".

7 If President Obama was Race Director, he would charge extra race fees to all runners finishing in the top 30%, on a pro rata basis, the better we finish the more we pay, stating that he is trying to level the playing field for future events so additional less competitive runners will run for free and the top runners pay for all expenses.

8 If Nancy Pelosi was a runner in the 10 mile race, she would arrive 2 hours late and claim that the race officials lied habitually about the starting time, after receiving a published venue about the time, rules, and process for the race numerous times prior.
Had to do one on Nancy 2x!

9 If Acorn officiated the race they would invite off the street non-runners/ strangers, assign each a runner's name and number, and provide the post race meals, trophies, shirts, prizes to the non runners who assumed the identity of one of the actual runners.

10 If White House spokesperson Robert Gibbs were announcing race results for Obama, he would first profess no knowledge of the race, then when pressed, say, the President feels that we all won the race. He would also claim that Obama encourages race directors to allow medical marijuana as a finisher's prize.

11 If Tax Cheat Sec'y of Treasury Tim Geithner had to organize the race results he would completely mix up all finishing times from runner's names and later claim it was an accounting error. He would also claim that the Runners Code is like the Tax Code- nobody can understand it even with a Harvard degree.

12 If Ex Green Jobs CZAR, disgraced radical bigot Van Jones were in charge of the race, he would claim that some ethnic groups expend more oxygen and excrete more CO2 and other waste when they run and should be assessed damage payments when they ran through specific inner city residential sites.

13 If Katie Couric, News Anchor and had to discuss highlights of the race, she would interview the winners and ask if they knew about the "Race Director Doctrine" that the previous administration had created. When pressed that there was no such thing, she would quickly turn to baseball.

14 If Dems in Congress all were in the race running, they would "spend" all of their energy, carbs, in the first 25% of the race, running too fast, spending too much, and also jump, dance and tumble (things that do not get you to the finish line), leaving no energy left in their budget to complete the race, hoping that future generations of runners will take up the burden of finishing their run.

15 If Dems in Congress, Al Gore, and Global Warming nuts were organizing an inter nation race say against China, Japan, India, and other industrialized nations, they would force our USA runners, each to wear 10 pound weights on their ankles, give them no water, and make them start 10 minutes after the race gun was fired, condemning all USA runners who could not keep up with the the competition.

If you have more you would like to see, send in your suggestions. No promise that I will publish them but will consider them.
Rich

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